Concerned? Not the Tigers. The Yankees, on the other hand...
Tigers 4, Yankees 3. Their ALDS is now tied 1-1.
Not what the Yankees, their arrogant fans, or the MSM expected. The Yanks are very concerned with this unexpected turn of events, if you see what George had to say about today's game...
From: George S.
To: Brian Cashman
CC: Joe Torre
Re: Today's cluster of a game
Cashman,
What the HELL was that today? My Yankees looked like a bunch of stumblebums. The Tigers' rookies and role players made my "Greatest lineup of all time" look like the '62 fucking Mets! That's the kind of perfromance I get for my $200 MILLION investment? Heads are going to roll! 2 specific heads come to mind...
I did exactly as you asked. I used my considerable juice with MLB and ESPN, and got last night's game postponed. You guaranteed a win if I jerked Bud-lite around. You said that we couldn't afford to use up Mussina in a game that may have delays, and could expose our weak ass bullpen. Which YOU put together, by the way.
So what happens? We lose! To the God damn Tigers? They suck! Their payroll is less than half of ours! Their owner is a fossilized pizza man with a bad toupee! Their manager is older than God, and smokes more than a tire fire! They have a mutant headed 2nd baseman, a one legged right fielder, and Todd Jones!!! We should be beating them like a red headed step-child! Did you see who the Tigers have battting 3rd? Did you, Cashman? It was some big stiff named Sean Casey. Casey can't hit, can't run, Hell, he can't play! He wouldn't make our Triple A team!
That's who in the HELL beat us!
I want answers. I need you to explain a few things...
Posada: What was with the wild pitches and passed balls? He has more holes than a Rangers goalie! Then he struck out against...Todd Jones? Jones couldn't strike ME out!
Jeter: Bunting? He goes 5-5 in game 1, and during his first at bat he's BUNTING? If that was a called play, I should fire Torre on general principle! I spent that kind of money on a lineup so Torre wouldn't have to make ANY decisions!!! That fucking chimney Leyland managed him under the table, for Chrissakes!!
Sheffield and Giambi: 0-7 with 4 K's. I didn't give them a lifetime supply of HGH to get horsecollars in return!
Thames: He ate Mussina alive! 3 hits, 2 runs, and an 1 RBI from a player I was told was nothing more than a 4A nobody. We cut his ass eons ago. My people, whom are paid VERY well, told me Thames would never be a major league player! They were WRONG! My people are NOT allowed to be wrong...
Guillen: I love Jeter like a son. Well, maybe a distant first cousin. But Guillen puts up awfully similar stats for a quarter of the money I pay Mr. Cover Boy! Did you see him today, Cashman? He was stinging the ball all over the field. While Jeter, our poster boy, Mr. Media Man Love, Mr. Yankee, to whom I pay a considerable amount of money, was BUNTING? I'm not happy.
Verlander and Zumaya: Why don't WE have a couple of young pitchers with that kind of talent? You have an answer, Cashman? The Tigers have a kid reliever throwing 103 MPH, we send out some chub named Bruney, who's built like a fatter Eric Cartman. The Tigers have a kid starter freezing A-Rod (More on him later) with 100 MPH heat and a fall-off-the-table curve, we have starters whose average age makes them eligible to join the AARP! Jesus Christ Cashman, the next 2 nights we are sending a cripple and a stiff out to the mound. How does that happen with a $200 Million payroll?
Last, and definitely worst...
Alex Rodriguez: Since you can't seem to get a handle on this series, I took things into my own hands in regard our 3rd base albatross. I already placed a call to the tabloids, asking them to rake A-Rod over the coals. Expect to see "K-Rod" headlines tomorrow. I then spoke to FOX and ESPN, demanding they embarass his choking ass on their pre game and post game shows. $25 MILLION DOLLARS I'm paying that gagging pretty boy, and what do I get in return? 0-4, 3 K's, leaving the based loaded when we could have buried the Tigers, and the fans on my ASS! On my ASS, Cashman. I DO NOT like that...
Cashman, we best not lose this series. If you and Torre like your jobs...
G.
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