Thursday, September 21, 2006

Chicago White Sox, R.I.P.

The Chicago White Sox are no more. Like the remarkable Norwegian Blue, they aren't resting, they're stone dead. They're bleedin' demised, and definitely deceased. They're pinin' for the fjords, and pushin' up the daisies. They have ceased to be, expired and gone to meet their maker. They're a stiff, bereft of life, resting in peace. Their metabolic processes are now history. The White Sox have kicked the bucket, shuffled off this mortal coil, run down the curtain, and joined the choir invisibile. The Sox are an ex-champion... (Apologies to Monty Python, and dead parrots everywhere...)

The knife the Tigers stuck in the Sox's playoff chances on Monday, was shoved in deeper, and then twisted, last night. The playoff chances of the White Sox went from infinitesimal to non-existent. Couldn't happen to a nicer team.

Opposition coaches and the umpires owe the Tigers a hearty thank you and pat on the back for saving them from the White Sox's white trash fan base.

Is anyone going to miss the mouth of Ozzie Guillen?

Or Chicago's tabloid media, led by the handsomely deplorable Jay Mariotti?

How about Tiger killer Joe Crede? How fitting was that to have him end the game with a double play?

The Tigers did everyone a big time favor by eliminating baseball's the world's biggest douchebag, A.J. Cheaterynski.

No one, absolutely no one, is going to miss Bobby "Cane Toad" Jenks...

(Cane toad and picture courtesy of Sam at Roar of the Tigers)

The White Sox time of death was aproximately 11 pm EDT on 9/20/2006. Cause of death was via bludgeoning with home runs, and overwhelming pitching from the opposition. A lack of timely hitting and declining pitching was a contributing factor in their passing.

We won't have the Chicago White Sox to kick around anymore. They won't be missed.


  1. Channeling George Carlin, Al? lol
    -Kurt (I swear I had a login, where'd it go!)

  2. The magic number is 4. The Tigers have to win the division or else I won't be able to use my tickets to Games 1 and 2. Damn.

  3. Hey call us here in Chicago when you guys win something.

    The Tigers have been the dishes in the sink (to put it kindly) for about what, 20 years now?

    White trash fan base? At least we don't incite the players to run into the stands to start pounding on the fans.

    And while the Sox may be done for this year, they are still built to contend for a long time.

    Enjoy your first round exit--you'll have to riot and destroy your own city for some other reason.

    Go Bears,
    The Zoner

  4. I also forgot to say thanks for the link.

    Go Bears!

  5. Hate mail! The White Sox win one World Series in 90 years and their mouthbreathing fan base gets all uppity. Nice job on the title last year, Zoner. We'll see you guys back in the winners circle in 2095.

  6. Hey, he started it.

    But touche. Nicely done.