Sunday, August 27, 2006

The Detroit Lions: Meet the new boss, same as the old boss

If you didn't get to see the Lions performance against the Raiders late Friday night...well...Bully for you! You can consider yourself most lucky, as it was an awful performance. The Lions are proof positive that some things never change. For example...

The defense not having to ability to get a stop on 3rd and long? The Raiders offense looked like they were playing Madden with the Lions D in rookie mode.

Strange drive killing penaties and turnovers? A flagrant face mask on OG Ross Verba, nullifying a long run? Doesn't get much stranger than that. Jon Kitna thinking an extra yard in a preseason exhibition game is important, leading to a fumble because he didn't slide? That's the Lions we know and despise. The only thing that didn't happen was Kitna getting injured, a la Jeff Garcia. I wouldn't count out that from happening in the 4th preseason exhibition game.

Average, at best, quarterbacking? 18-32-206, with 2 INT's, 1 lost fumble, and 0 TD's. Eerily familiar to a typical Joey Blue Skies stat line.

The inability to convert in the "Red zone?" Not an issue. Why not? It's not an issue because the offense NEVER got inside Oakland's 20 yard line.

Fernando Bryant playing more like Fernando Valenzuela, but not as fast? Just ask Randy Moss as he was running by Bryamt unmolested, as I think he'd agree. Considering the Radiers had receivers wide open all night long, a defensive backfield full of Fernando Valenzuela's couldn't have done any worse...

The execution of the offensive, and Sgt. Marinelli's specialty, defensive, lines? To steal a line from the late, great John McKay, I'm all for their execution. I didn't know that "Look out!" blocks were part Mike Martz's offensive scheme, and that draw plays are literally unstoppable in the Tampa 2 defense. At least the Detroit Lions' version of the Tampa 2...

Mike Williams on the sidelines, eating Big Macs two fisted? I can't vouch for the burgers, but the closest Williams came to the playing field was when he went to the concession stands for a 2nd helping of nachos with extra cheese. The only reason he makes the team is because of his contract his potential Matt Millen.

Charles Rogers hurt, and not playing? Rogers not getting on the field, and not just because he's dinged up, was a sure thing. The only way Rogers makes the roster at this point is if every other wide receiver on the roster is injured, traded, retires, or gets popped for a drug suspension. Considering Rogers has 2 of those 4 reasons covered himself most seasons, expect to see Rogers waived after the last exhibition game.

That Sgt. Marinelli's idea to fly in and out on the same day for a WEST COAST game, just to make his players "Uncomfortable," and feel a sense of "Adversity," blew up in his face? Was there ever a reason to think that Marinelli's asinine travel plan was even close to being a good idea? Why would anyone in the front office agree? I'm sorry, I forgot that I was talking about the Lions for a second. Just how bad of an idea was it? It was as bad of an idea as Marty Morninwheg's staged stopping of practice, and riding off on a Harley, or Bobby Ross' claims that he would be giving bus tickets out of town. Silly? Yes. Effective? Hell, no.

As for bright spots? Uh...Nick Harris had some great punts, and...Uh...Um... Nick Harris had some great punts.

The Lions hireachy continually said that what transpired in 1st 2 preseason exhibition games weren't indicative of what we were going to see in the regular season. They pounded home the fact that the 3rd game was going to truly reflect what we'd see in week 1 of the regular season. It was a "Dress rehearsal," with regular season style practicing, game planning, schemes, and the 1st string getting the majority of playing time.

If a show heading for Broadway had a dress rehearsal as terrible as the Lions' turned out to be, that show would never make it to the Great White Way. They would have folded the show, and cut their losses. Unfortunately, the Lions don't have that option.


  1. I'm glad I missed it. It sounds like hanging drywall in my kitchen was more fun than watching the Honolulu Blue lose again. I'll be at Soldier Field in a few weeks to witness another bloodbath. Last year was beyond painful. This year appears to be heading in the same direction.

  2. I smell another 10-loss season coming. The stench from Allen Park is overwhelming.