Tuesday, July 11, 2006

You're out of here, leather

The Home Run Derby has reached the status of the NBA's Slam dunk contest. It was once entertaining, and even had a purpose, but now? Meh. Just like the dunk contest, the biggest stars decline to participate, it takes too damn long, and the whole show gets redundant quickly.

Even though the usefulness of the derby has run its course, the derby could still be, at the very least, tolerable. Save for one thing. "Mr. Back, Back, Back, Back" the unfortunately ubiquitous Chris Berman.

I hate to admit it, but I once found his schtick entertaining. Back when I was young and dumb, and Berman still had hair, instead of a rug. Now, rather than hear him scream lamely (That's with the kayaks! Put your hands up Kruk, it's coming your way!) I'd rather hear dead air, or even Joe Morgan. For long stretches. Both are useless, but still less grating than Chris "I'll call myself the Schwam, pick San Francisco and Buffalo in the Super Bowl for a decade straight, while making references to a 30 year old Eagles album" Berman.

Berman doesn't realize, or more likely ignores, the fact that less is more. The back, back back dude is of the school where more is never enough. He bellows, screams, jokes, whoops, and blusters his way through a broadcast. Thing is, does "Mr. You're With Me, Leather" ever say anything worthwhile? Not that I have heard. And no, "Whooop!' is not worthwhile.

3+ hours of Berman's screeching is a match for no man. At least with the NFL Draft, he tones it down a notch, and his bellowing is only in small doses. Plus he's so big in the world of the Worlwide Leader, he can ditch the 2nd day of the draft. That a plus for us... But baseball, where the pitcures should tell the story, "Mr. Rumblin', Bumblin', Stumblin" feels the need to never stop with the God damn yammering. I feel like I'm being clubbed over the head with a barrage of nonsense.

His play by play is lacking, and even a non event as the Home Run Derby can't hide the fact that he's no Vin Scully. Or Vin Diesel. "Mr. Lame Ass Nickname's" best play by play call? When he didn't say a word for 20 minutes as Cal Ripken set his overrated record. It's the only time he ever went against his natually overwrought state.

Silence is always golden when it comes to Chris Berman. Unfortunately, Berman, or the powers that be at the Worldwide Leader, never realized it.


  1. The man has absolutely ruined NFL Primetime. Berman is a pox on sport.

  2. Berman is a "Pox on sport." I like that! Wish I had thought of it. Berman is nothing more than a caricature at this point.