Friday, March 24, 2006

The Lions don't need a GM, they need an underboss

The continuing sopa opera that is our beloved Lions is fascinating to watch. Today is no different.

There is news in regard to the Lions going after Charles Rogers, and the return 10 million of his signing bonus. Word is that it appears that the new labor agreement will keep the Lions from doing so. As per the Killer, the Lions were planning to act like pissed off loan sharks and possibly kneecap Charles Rogers.

The Lions never expected to get that money back anyway because most of it has already been spent. What the Lions were really looking for was the threat of going after the money (forcing him to sell things off, etc.) to help keep Rogers in line.

So who's in charge of the Lions salary cap and contracts? I thought the front office money wizard was Tom Lewand, but with those tactics, I think Paulie Walnuts runs the Lions front office.

"Yo Chuck, you wanna stay in da league, don't cha? Mebbe start Sunday? Wanna good werd put in wit Marenilli an Martz? Den gimme da keys to yer Escalade. Dat a new set of Pings? Put dem in da back, will ya? Ya wanna get us offa yer case? Don't wanna end up like Harrington? 1 TD a week ain't enuff no more. I wanna see 2 TD's dis Sunday. Or else..."

Threats of sending leg breakers or the repo man will keep most people, even drug addled wide outs, in line. I wonder if the Lions have considered using this sort of strategy on other players with on and off field issues.

Mike Williams is still built like a fatter Dmitri Young? Easy to fix, threaten to take away his house. I bet the weight will melt right off.

Dre Bly continues to mouth off in the lockerroom? A quick pistol whipping should quiet him down.

Eddie Drummond is hurt again? Kidnap a family member. That'll get him back on the field.

Kevin Jones still can't pick up the blitz? Threaten to cut his achilles with a razor. I doubt he'll miss another assignment.

Roy Williams continues to drop passes? Cut off a finger for every muff. I think that'll put an end to the dropsies.

Jon Kitna starts thowing picks? Tell him that he's going on a long drive upstate, a place familar to Jimmy Hoffa. I guarantee that his accuracy will improve significantly.

Josh McCown complains about playing time? Colombian necktie, 'nuff said...

Run the Detroit Lions like the Mafia, and I guarantee a first round bye in the playoffs.

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