Friday, January 13, 2006

How to interpet a personal ad, part II

What you'll see in a man's personal ad is that the so called "Perfect man" claims he is painting churches, calling his mom daily, sipping expensive wine, a gourmet cook, and learning to play the harp. Suuuuure they are.

I thought about what men say in their personals, what they want to appear to be. For example, a guy will mention that he is sensitive, physically fit, eats healthy, very active, and extemely romantic. He also will supposedly love fine art, chamber music, and live theater. Sounds great, right? To break that down truthfully, read on and learn from a personals pro.

Painting chruches? Any kind of charity work? Because it's part of his community service sentencing. He calls mom daily because he has an Oedipus complex. You'll never be as hot to him as mom. Sipping expensive wine? That jug wine ain't cheap, ya know? He's a gourmet cook in the sense that he eats Stouffer's rather than the store brand frozen dinner. Playing the harp? HA! You ever hear of "Playing the organ/flute/fiddle?" It's a masturbation euphemism people! Live theater? That is code for strip club. Fine art? Could be 3 things. They either have a picture of the dogs playing poker taped over the mantle, a Three Stooges poster in the bedroom, or they have a landscape print that their ex picked out because it matched the couch. If they say chamber music is their thing, it means they have a boom box with a hanger for an antenna next to the keggerator. Eat healthy? The milk in the fridge hasn't expired...yet. Sensitive? They cry when they lose a game in their fantasy football league. Come on, who doesn't? Active? That tells me the remote control is lost. Physically fit? They can still see their feet past the beer belly. Plus they had already lost the remote...


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