Monday, April 09, 2007

These are the Zachs I know, I know, these are the Zachs I know

I think we witnessed something extraordinary in Augusta Easter Sunday. No, not Tiger Woods losing, despite the MSM making Woods the big story. There was a bigger story though...

Zach Johnson winning the Masters was the greatest ever athletic achievement by someone named "Zach." Possibly the greatest achievement, period.

Think about it. How many Zachs can you even think of? Let alone thinking of anyone named "Zach" in the athletic arena. This was all I could come up with off the top of my head...

Zach Braff: Plays John "J.D." Dorian on "Scrubs." No athlete, but gets the women.

Zachary Taylor:
12th U.S. President. Hardly a jock. A career military man best known for dying of acute gastroenteritis just 16 months into his presidential term.

Zach Galifianakis: Pushing it fame wise, but he turns up on the tube now and again. Gets extra points for the grubbiest beard ever regularly worn by a semi-celebrity.

Zachary "Zack" Morris:
Not a true Zach, but close enough. Played sports at Bayside High, but not nearly the athlete that was the great A.C. Slater. Better known for dating Kelly Kapowski, and being Mr. Belding's nemesis.

After that, I had nada. A quick Google search turned up one other jock named "Zach."

Zach Day: A career record of 21 - 27, a 4.66 ERA, with 6 teams. Currently in the Royals minor league system.

That's all... It's not as if Johnson had much competition. An actor playing a clumsy doctor who faints when he poops, a long dead president, a grubby looking comedian, a scheming teenage Lothario, and a mediocre starting pitcher. Not exactly the best and brightest.

So here's to the greatest athletic Zach ever, Zach Johnson. May he win at least one more PGA Tour title, lest he be the latest in a line of flukes to win majors, such as Ben Curtis, Rich Beem, and Shaun Micheel.

Postscript 4/10/07: I do up a post on Zachs, and for the life of me I couldn't think of that many. It then figures a big site like "With Leather" would link to me. So many thanks to the commenters that reminded me of Zach Thomas, Zach Randolph, Zach Miner, and Zach (Best gig my "Dream Job" exposure got me was hosting "Extreme Dodgeball") Selwyn. As a Detroiter, missing Zach Miner, who pitches in the Tigers system (And may be up soon if Chad Durbin continues to get slapped around), and Zach "Makin' it rain while on bereavement leave" Randolph, who spent a year underachieving at Michigan State, were the biggest errors on my part.

Next time I'll check Wikipedia...


  1. The only one I can think to add is former ESPN Dream Job contestant Zachariah Selwyn, who if I remember correctly was the best contestant on that show but didn't win for whatever reason.

    He does have a Wikipedia entry though, so that has to count for something.

    - Scott

  2. zach thomas. douche.

  3. zach "bereavement leave" randolph

  4. zach "bereavement leave" randolph

  5. Dear Big Al,

    We don't like you anymore.

    The Zach Miner Fan Club

  6. That's what I remember Zach Selwyn from! I saw him on a show a couple of weeks ago, and it was driving me crazy that I couldn't remember why he looked so familiar.

    I should really try that Wikipedia thing...

  7. Zack Morris is still the best!

  8. i can think of a sexy blogger with that name.