Monday, August 14, 2006

The Detroit Lions front office would like to chat...

Wow, what a weekend! Before you go off half cocked, think about what you are saying. Don't get upset. Everyone take a deep breath. No reason to go off the deep end. Just calm down. There's nothing to worry about yet. Think good thoughts. Don't harsh your mellow.

All is well, because Detroit Lions won! We put the beatdown on the Broncos! It's .500 or bust! So long Wet Toast offense! Top o' the world! So all you diehard Detroit fans out there, what do you have to say about your favorite whipping boys now?

Hello? Anyone? Bueller? Huh? What gives? No one cares that the mighty, mighty Lions won their first exhibition game? But...But...It's the NFL! The 500 pound gorilla of sports! There's no talk about a QB controversy? No concern over logjam at running back? Nothing about Charles "Cheech" Rogers and Mike "Never saw a cheesecake I wouldn't eat" Williams playing on the third string? No Ernie Sims concussion jokes? The "Glenn Martinez for the Pro Bowl" bandwagon isn't full yet?

But why is everyone is so upset? It isn't because we traded Joey Harrington, is it? That's what you wanted! That's not why you're all up in arms? All the current angst in this town isn't over the Lions? What gives?

Baseball? Oh, so there's a pennant race? So? That's never a big deal. The who with the what in the where? The Tigers? What's that again? The Detroit Tigers? No. F'n. Way. Playoffs on the line? A championship contender? Front page, above the fold, every day? Ooooo, Millen and WCF are not gonna be happy that we're no longer the center of attention.

But it's August, folks! You're supposed to be excited! Two a days! Training camp! Breathless reports on how good that 2nd string free agent wide out you've never heard of looks on the practice field! What about the Marinelli DISCIPLINE? We did everything you asked! Now it's time for some football! What's that? You didn't even watch the game Friday? Because the Tigers were playing the White Sox?

Still, Ford Field was at least 3/4 full at kickoff. You left early? At halftime? Why? THE TIGERS?

No worries, you'll be there when the regular season kicks off. You always have been in the past, no matter how awful we were the season before. You LOVE us! What do you mean, maybe you'll see us in mid October? Because of the Tigers!? You'll still check in on Sundays, right? Maybe. MAYBE? If the Tigers aren't playing? I don't feel so good...

What's that you say? Show us? Show you what? I know, you want to see more of the wonderful, Millen inspired black unis! We know you love them. You don't care about the uniforms? Show you some...wins? Uh...What happened to the unconditional love? Tough love? Accountability? A playoff spot? I gotta talk to the 'stache...

Please, don't go. You have to reconsider. We're the #1 team in your hearts! Yes, I know the Pistons, Red Wings, and your damn Tigers are amongst the best teams in their sports. It never made a difference before. You're leaving? Did you say something? You'll come back if? If what? What will make you come back?

"Fire Millen?"

We're screwed...


  1. Actually in about two weeks my attention turns to Ann Arbor so the Tigers will be looked at but my fall belongs to the maize and blue.

  2. Sports Dude? Is that you? Welcome back to the land of bloggers...

    I'm looking forward to the return of the Maize and Blue as well. But if Llllloyd continues down the slippery slope to mediocrity the Wolverines have been heading for a few years, I'll have plenty of bile to spew their way...