Friday, April 07, 2006

TWFE channels the Kings. Not Sacramento, but Larry and Peter

I'm going to go all USA Today style Larry King and MMQB-like Peter King on you and go off on several unrelated tangents..

10. Van Halen with Sammy Hagar was better than Van Halen with DLR. Not that VH/DLR was bad, not at all. But then again, I'm prejudiced. I've always been a fan of the Red Rocker from waaay back in the Montrose days. So I'm old, what's it to ya? As if I need to remind you that noted rock critic Homer Simpson put it best, "Everyone knows rock n' roll attained perfection in 1974. It's a scientific fact."

9. Fantasy sports are overtly geeky and anal. When you are comparing the relative merits of the 4th starters of Milwaukee and Arizona, checking out their WHIP, you are a fantasy sports geek. Unfortunately, that geek be me.

8. TWFE household recently installed a 120 gig DVR, the bastardized Comcast cable version of a Tivo. I thought people were using more than a little hyperbole when they said that a DVR/Tivo would change the way you watch TV. "Pshaw" was the exact word I used. After having one for a week, learning how to unlock the 30 second skip function, and how to best use 2 seperate tuners, what do I think of the DVR acolytes now? I can say this...I never plan to leave the house again.

7. The baseball world does NOT revolve around the Yankees and the BoSox, despite what ESPN (the absolute worst offender) and other national media would have you think. But then I'm a Tiger fan, and no one pays attention to us. No one at all. But things are looking up, as Craig Monroe was on the phone with the "Baseball Tonight" guys last night! Next thing you know, they may have a Tiger on that new fangled technology called "Video."

6. I hate to admit my net nerdness, but I spend some time on internet message boards. Honestly, I do...God forbid. So it's message board pet peeve time. I hate with a passion posts such as, "Here comes a flamewar," "I'm off to get marshmallows," "I'm putting on my flame retardant underwear," or anything else that fans the flames of an anticipated flamewar. The same goes for headlines that add, "Flamewar to ensue" or pics of flamethrowers and explosions. Add to the discussion, or at least be a little more creative folks. Please. Let me add that "BWAAHAHAHAHA!" and emoticons annoy me to no end as well... While I'm going off on this, does anyome else despise Leet speak and net shorthand? Oh yeah, ONE more thing. Learn how to God damn spell, people! Now you kids get off my lawn before I call your parents!

5. The funniest man ever placed on the face of this earth was Curly Howard. No arguments. If you try, you won't win. By the way, Shemp Howard is criminally underrated. We shall NEVER speak of Joe Besser or Joe DeRita. NEVER.

4. I finally weaned myself away from the old and busted that is IE and have fully embraced the new hotness that is Firefox. Why the Hell I waited so long to fully switch is anybody's guess. Afraid of change, I guess. I thank the people that constantly sung the praises of Firefox and finally convinced me to check it out. You are now preaching to the choir. I rarely use IE anymore. Tabbed browsing and customizable extensions are the best thing since twist cap beer bottles and the remote control. Well, maybe not the remote control. Or the DVR! Did I say that a DVR is the shiznit?

3. Best late night snack? Little Debbie Nutty Bars and a glass of ice cold milk.

2. Golf purists and snobs will cringe when they read this but...I can't help but root for John Daly. I always look for Big John's name on the leaderboard. He drinks, he gambles, he smokes, he has fun on the course, just like the people I play golf with. I enjoy watching players like Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson, but they don't get me as emotionally involved in a tournament in the same way as Daly does when he's playing well. I'll be watching the Masters, no matter what. It's great, dramatic TV, just go back to Mickelson's back 9 in 2004 and the Woods/DiMarco duel in 2005. But if John Daly was in the hunt on the back 9 Sunday? You wouldn't be able to tear your eyes away. Unfortunately, it doesn't look like he's going to make the weekend. If he makes the cut or not, either way, I'm sure Daly will be at a Hooters, ogling the chicks and having a few beers. Just like guys we all know.

1. Why anyone would watch Jay Leno over David Letterman is beyond me. Long, long ago, Leno was one of of the best stand ups around. Just watch some of the old Letterman "Late Night" shows as proof. I loved to watch whenever Leno was on Letterman, it was true must see TV. Dave would set Leno up with, "Jay, what's you're beef?" Leno would then go off on a kick ass 10 minute rant. I still remember some of his punch lines to this day. "It was like looking into the eye of a chicken." Well, you had to be there... But Leno today? He's nothing but bad pop culture jokes, unfunny recurring skits, lame presidential humor, and funny (being a relative term) headlines. Let's not forget his awful interview skills. Say what you will about David Letterman, that's he's an aquired taste, that he's toned down his act over the years. But he still makes me laugh. I can't say that about Jay Leno.


  1. Hey, do you remember a pro golfer named Bobby Clampett? He used to get under the skin of the stuffed suits in the PGA for antics such as driving while on his knees, using his putter for every stroke, etc.

    This is totally unrelated, but I remember NBA coach Kevin Loughery once literally breaking out his wallet and handing a credit card to an official who had ejected him. In other words, put the fine on my card.

    "Paying your league fine before you even leave the arena: Priceless."

  2. Sure do, Eno. Doesn't he do TV now?

    Another golfer that was well known for his anti-establishment views was Mac O'Grady. He was constantly feuding with Deane Beaman, was a scratch golfer both right and left handed, could mimic any type of swing, and is known today as a golf swing savant.

    Golf needs more guys like Daly, O'Grady, and Clampett.

  3. Give me Bill Maher over Leno or Letterman any day of the week!

    And, dude, how I wish I drafter Chris Shelton for my fantasy team!

  4. Great post Big Al...
    A couple responses...

    10. That's a tough one, I think I might agree as 5150 is one of my all-time favorite albums.
    9. Me too.
    4. Good for you! You will surf much happier now.
    3. That's not bad. For me it's Keebler Fudge Stripes and Milk.
    1. YES! TRUE!