Columnists say the darnedest things: Ozzie is the flavor of the day

If you read today's Detroit fish wraps, notice something eerily similar in their sports pages? The lead sports columnists for the Freep and News, Mitch Albom and Bob Wojinowski, essentially wrote the same column! Both decided to wax philosophic over the re-emergence of the Downriver puck bunnies favorite player ever, Chris Osgood.

From reading the columns over, it appears they shared notes. (and forgotten the beat writers have covered this territory quite well, especially when Osgood signed his contract extension. This is just the carpetbagging columnists jumping on the Wings bandwagon when more readers are paying attention to hockey.)

For example...

The Little Fella:

This is a guy who, during the lockout, began to reinvent himself, because he saw younger goalies with more efficient styles. So he worked and reworked and he taught his old dog new tricks, and he is arguably now at the highest level in his career.

Wojo:

No wasted energy, no wasted emotion, no wasted motion. This is the reinvented Osgood, who worked manically with a goaltender coach and refined his style during the 2005 lockout.

I'll admit, both columns are well written, but talk about different, yet the same. It's as if one cribbed from the other, just changing the words. They both diverge somewhat, (Albom, as is his wont, goes highbrow with a "Cinema Paradiso" reference, while Wojo goes more lowbrow for a "Brat Pack" call out) but both columns tread over the same, exact territory. In the end, they both wrote as sappy a column as one of Albom's diabetes causing novels.

Here's the Cliff's Notes version of both columns... (Get out your handkerchiefs!)

Even though Osgood won 2 cup rings during his first tenure, he left the Red Wings in semi-disgrace when Dominik Hasek was signed, spent 3 years in NHL exile, returned to Detroit an older and wiser goalie, then remade his game, leading up to he his having the best statistical season of his career, finally rescuing the Wings during the playoffs. The End.

I expect to see Oprah option this story for her next "uplifting" Albom TV movie.

Next time guys, check your calenders so you don't write the same damn story about the same damn subject on the same damn day.

The worst columnist in America, Rob Parker, continues to amaze with his lack of baseball knowledge. To fix something that really doesn't need fixing, Wobb advocates the Tigers signing...you know who it's gonna be...Barry Bonds.

I'm not going to bother quoting much from the column, as it's worthless. The following 2 lines sum up why Parker thinks the Tigers need to PANIC and sign the large headed one.

They desperately need a left-handed bat in their inconsistent lineup, which has been shut out five times in the first 34 games. Last season, the Tigers were blanked three times.

Over at Mack Avenue Tigers, Kurt takes down Parker in detail, so I'll just say this...

On a team which has 4 players who should play in the field as little as possible (Sheffield, Ordonez, Guillen, Thames), and are much better suited as DH’s (either now, or in the very near future), adding another DH makes zero sense. Less than zero, actually. Even if the DH is a left handed hitter named Barry Bonds.

Despite their struggles, the offense has not been the biggest problem. Not by a long shot. As I said the other day, it's the STARTING PITCHING. Unless Barry Bonds has a decent breaking ball, and can go 7 innings into games from the mound every 5th day, the Tigers don't need him.

The Tigers are quite aware of their need for a left handed bat. That's why Matt Joyce was brought up from Toledo. Sure, he's no Bonds, but the Tigers don't need Bonds. They needed a left handed bat who could also play the outfield. Bonds may be a lot of things, but an outfielder? In the national park sized outfield that's Comerica Park? I don't think so.

Then again, this is coming from Rob Parker, so making sense isn’t expected. From the nature of Parker's opinions, I doubt sense is even encouraged.

By the way, in regard to saying the same thing in different columns, Parker somehow manages to crib from himself. From the always goofy and nonsensical "Foul or Fair" bit with Tom Gage...

They are 0-17 when they've scored four runs or fewer. They've been shut out five times their first 34 games. Last year, they were shut out only three times.

Dude, we get it! No need to tell us twice...